Moving Forward

You know what was wonderful? Christmas. It was absolutely magical. Magical I tell you. I do not use that word to describe many events (probably because the last time was my junior prom and my guy friends all made fun of me for it for weeks-they may have been jealous because any dates I was on with them did not ever get blessed with the description of magical....) but this qualifies as one that deserves it. I needed that break from school, stress, and my time at home was just what I needed to refresh my spirit, and change my perspective. It's hard to pick and choose but here were some of the best moments of Christmas:

desert star. temple square lights. Princess and the Frog. Lego building. One tree hill obsession. shopping. reading for pleasure. changing my major. bubble baths. mint chocolate cake. 3 other movies. spinach dip and chocolate oranges. alta heights ward ysa. christmas eve reindeer game. almost pulling the table cloth out from under me at the roof. snow. family.

New years was also superb, and I could not have been more happy about 2009 being over and a fresh start beginning. Instead of making elaborate, super-descriptive goals I chose one that involves every aspect of my life: Pick myself back up, and move forward.

Not literally, even though I do fall a lot in a very literal sense (especially on the stairs here at BYU, but thats another saga for another time)

No, not literal but still very real to me. I first fell down about a year ago. I had felt loss in a piercing way, and coping with it was hard. And then instead of dealing with it I put it off until it was overcoming me. I became weighed down with pain, uncertainty, self-doubt, sadness, fear, and extreme laziness. Everything that I'd held in finally was coming out, and it overwhelmed me to the point of fatigue.

Most of those days last Winter semester are kind of a blur to me, because they were uneventful, and full of things that are hard to remember. Summer was a great break, but by then I had destroyed my self-confidence, desire to dream, and things that I felt made me me. Last semester was a time of healing. I came back here to BYU kind of broken, and very discouraged. Angles helped heal me, angels from both sides. They helped me realize that it will be ok, facilitated inspiration, built me back up, and loved me. Until one day I realized, I was dreaming big dreams again, and facing fears I dreaded.

Now, here I am and although I still find every flaw in my physical attributes and struggle with things I'm happier than I remember being in a long time. I have more motivation to work hard than previously and I have more desire to become better. Also, I'm dreaming and the dreams I have are encouraging me, and causing me to be more excited than I have in quite some time.

So-this year it's my resolution to pick myself back up, and move forward. I'm working on it each day, and with some help I will achieve this. I don't feel broken any more, but only peace.

So here is to 2010. A new beginning. A new start. Always remembering where I've been, and then-moving forward.