Way Too Blessed to Be Stressed

(stressed? nah-just being ourselves...)

There are very few things I remember from last week. With a calculus exam, lots of homework and upcoming finals it was a stressful one. I felt like I had so many things that were classified in my mind as "have to"-s.

"I have to take a calc exam. I have to study. I have to make cookies. I have to finish this homework. I have to work. I have to clean the apartment. I have to sleep at some point. I have to shower. I have to finish this semester."

I was dreading every big hurdle, and I couldn't bare the thought of this week, knowing I had a physiology exam (in the morning), lots of studying and finals.

Wednesday night was my low point. I walked out of that testing center too exhausted to even cry over my less than stellar performance. I walked home in the dark questioning everything about school: my major, if I'd ever have a job, if I'd ever make money, if I'd ever graduate, etc. and worrying about the "have to's" of the upcoming days. So, I did what every distressed 21-year old does... called my mom. (what? not every 21-year old calls their mom when their having a panic attack? How do you cope?) As I vented to her she helped calm my fears. I finally reached the point where I could go inside, read my scriptures and go to bed.

The next day I walked around peacefully. The storm of thoughts that had filled my head earlier had calmed. I was able to concentrate on my studies, enjoy the rain, and just feel... peaceful.

Now some may argue that it was because I was simply exhausted. I know better though. That kind of peace doesn't come from sleep, or even quietly reading and listening to Adele. There is only one source of that peace. And, upon asking for it I received it.

As the weekend approached, so came clarity. I was calmed, and enjoyed some of the best experiences I'd had in awhile. As I thought about this weekend on the drive from slc to provo I thought of one word-blessed.

I was blessed to have a mother calm my fears, and sacrifice her time to help me. I was so blessed to see spend Friday night with my other London family. (more to come on that later). I was blessed to be able to relax and laugh with them. I was blessed Saturday to accomplish so much studying. I was blessed to spend time with my sisters. I was blessed to hear my friend speak and share her testimony of the gospel with me. I was blessed to have time with my family. I was blessed by my father.

I'm blessed in many ways, and it's that knowledge that has helped me feel so much peace the last couple days. And it's that peace that's helped me endure with joy this week.

Have to:

to experience, undergo, or endure, as joy or pain

bring on the finals...