The Tears I Cried.....

Today I cried. More than once, but I'm just going to focus on the one right now. Don't worry, it's not discouraging, in fact if I do a good job expressing what happened well it may be inspirational.

For the past four months Valerie Hudson my brilliant International Relations professor has been teaching me. She has taught me the location of every country in the world, who the five permanent seats on the UN Security council are, the power of women in the world, the problems China is now facing as a result of the one child policy, why lesser developed nations are poor, and even the joys that come from living in a small house. It was the lesson taught to me today that will stay with me the most though.

It's easy to get discouraged when you learn so much about the world. There is so much corruption, inequality, violence, economic woe, environmental problems, disease, nuclear weapons, fear and death. Some may question how God, who loves his children equally, could allow such problems to exist and why he doesn't just fix them.

"The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ would take the slums out of people, and then they would take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature." -Ezra Taft Benson

God's plan is good. He changes something inside of us that nothing else can. Jesus did this in his time here on earth. When he taught the multitude he fed them loaves and fishes until they were full, and then he could teach, and they would listen. He loved them and because of that they listened, learned and were changed. Our lives work the same way. We cannot teach others of Christ unless we love them first. Unless we serve them.

Professor Hudson says she imagines us all up in heaven before anyone came down to Earth. Heavenly Father explained how horrible the challenges and problems we face here would be. He gave us full warning that some would starve, others never know how to read, some would be sick, some would be alone and some more would hurt. He explained that he loved us but that suffering would be had by all. He told us that some of us would be born into homes with money enough that we would never go to bed hungry, that we would have a bed to sleep in every night, that we would grow up learning and knowing of him being taught by parents who are kind, and that when the time came we would be able to obtain all the knowledge we desired to. With this position though came a huge responsibility, that of giving, sharing, teaching, and loving those who would not have those things. We understood the responsibility that would come with this life, and knew that carrying it out would be harder than we understood. We rose our hands and promised to the Father that we would do all in our power to make the world better, through the gospel of Christ, and the knowledge we gain.

Thats how Professor Hudson sees it, and I believe the same.

I think I rose my hand and told my Father in Heaven that I would do everything in my power to make the world a better place. That I would take the blessings that were mine and use them to make me a better tool in his hands. And he chose me to come to the situation I did for a reason. Do you know the percentage of LDS college age students? It's a small number when played out on the world stage. Yet here I am, one of the fortunate few. Going to school, reading, researching, learning; all to better myself so that I can give back to God's children. And whether I make it to Africa to volunteer as a nurse helping those with AIDS, or do an elderly ladies hair at the Memory Care center everyday; whether the only children of God I help save be the ones he blesses me with to raise or if I save the lives of thousands of sick children I will make a difference because I once promised I would.

It starts now though, here in my home. I can't ever expect to help communities in Rwanda if I don't know how to serve my roommate, or my sister. Now, when I become discouraged with myself, or my life all I have to do is remember a promise I feel strongly that I made, to do all in my power to better lives, to be a tool in his hand. Heavenly Father knew I could handle what he needs me for, and now I'm doing all in my power to make sure that is the case.

Thanks for helping me see the power for good I can be, with his help, in this world Professor Hudson. It brings tears to my eyes, knowing that I, an imperfect 19-year old can make this world a better place. And so you know, I plan on doing just that.