Just a Tuesday night...

I should be reading my Stoessinger book right now. I'm in a chapter all about the Serbs and Croatia. All about war. Very fitting with the season right? NOT. Another thing that is not very fitting with the season is finals. Who came up with the idea that finals should be the week before Christmas? It limits the time to partake in full Christmas spirit. I want to have a snowball fight/war, and make snow angels. I want to have a fire. I wish I had a fireplace. My friend has one in her apartment a block down, and I bet it feels very Christmasy right now. I did my laundry today and one load didn't dry at all. I wonder if someone took my clothes out, put theres in and then put mine back in because they couldn't pay the $.50 to dry their clothes. I wonder this because I've seen Blind Side. If that is the case they probably shouldn't be living at Liberty Square, heck I can afford my laundry and I probably shouldn't be paying this much for rent. I should be studying. I wonder if next semester will be better. As I wonder this I realize I've wondered this all along. I really do like school. It is very hard at times, but I do love it. I like being a grown-up, being on my own, and being in control. I guess we're never completely in control though huh? Maybe that is what makes life so exciting. I do enjoy learning though. My apartment is very quiet. One roommate is taking a 5 hour final. Its a mock UN session. I would die. I can hardly stand spending 2 hours on finals. I should work out more. I should study more. I should wake up earlier to get all this done. I should not stay up so late playing Phase 10 with my roommates. If I didn't stay up late playing Phase 10 though I wouldn't learn that R has strategies for it though, that G gets sad when she loses, that M gets vindictive when skipped and that I really love these girls. I love that they make me laugh when I don't feel like it, and that they believe in me when I don't believe in myself. It would be hard to be so far from home like them. They are strong, stronger than I am. They make me better. Make new friends and keep the old one is silver and the other is gold. I never really liked that saying. I believe in making friends, and keeping those you've loved for a long time but isn't gold better than silver? Thats why it's the 'gold medal' and second place is the 'silver'. I don't believe old or new friends are better. They are different. I looked in the mirror today and wondered what others see when they look at me. The very long curly hair? The shortness? They plumpness that has crept up this semester? Oh man I need to hit the gym. The smile? The one tooth that is darker than the others because of the time I ran into a door while chasing friends at Gary's house Junior year of high school? The purple finger nails I painted on Saturday? The freckle under my eye? These are the things I see. But I am always my harshest critic. And for the record I love the freckle under my eye. When I look at people I care about I don't ever really see the bad. I mean if I was looking for it I'm sure I could find it, but I see the things I love about them. I like it that way-that I see the good. But what about people I don't know? Or who don't know me. I wonder what the rest of the world sees when looking at me. This post is making me smile. Its randomness reminds me of a certain monologue. I'm pretty proud of the writer of it. She is hilarious. It's loosly based on someone she knows. Which makes it more funny. Her sister is just as funny, in a different way. I'd do anything for those two. If they asked me to fly to the moon for them I'd do it. I'd probably like to fly to the moon anyway-that was just an example. Obviously I have a lot running through my mind. Now do you see why it's so difficult to read Stoessinger right now? I guess I should give it another shot though. Wish me luck.

No regrets.

PS.
Every time I write in my journal I end with 'No Regrets'. I decided that I wanted that to be the motto for my life, and so I've always written it. So to whoever took the time to read this whole thing I feel like I should give you something out of it, so here is wisdom. No Regrets. Don't regret a thing. Live, love, laugh and if it doesn't turn out like you hoped, if you find yourself in tears don't regret it. Learn from it and keep on living.

The end. For real now.