Wednesday, December 16, 2009

My Answered Prayers

One year ago from today, the 16th of December prayers were answered. I've never been so hurt by a prayer I had answered the way I wanted, but then again I've never prayed for anything so passionately before. It was something that hurt me to pray for, something I never wanted to have to pray for, but as hard as it was we had to. We owed it to him, I owed it to him. After all he had done for me it was the least I could do to ask Heavenly Father to give him what he felt was right, what he needed. The prayers had started months earlier, and as the days got colder and shorter the prayers grew longer and more frequent, despite how hard it was. My Pops taught me many things through the years, from how to ride the bus to the meaning of unconditional love. I believe the most important things he taught me though were the lessons I learned as he was leaving this life. In his final months he demonstrated to me the necessity of following personal revelation, even if others don't agree. He showed me that success is not found in the size of house, or money you had but the legacy you left behind, and all the love you gave and received. Probably the greatest lesson learned though was complete reliance on the Lord. This was demonstrated faithfully by him, and was taught to each of us in a different way. I learned to demonstrate my reliance through prayer. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed for my Pops, that he wouldn't be in pain, that he would be able to see his parents, that he would we be able to pass to the peace that follows this life in a way that filled him with joy my mind can't even imagine. As I prayed for these things, I put eternal desires above earthly ones. I so wanted my pops to live, to be with me, but that desire was mortal. I had to put the eternal things before them. I had to rely on my Father in Heaven to give me the strength, faith, courage and love to put the eternal before my selfish wants. Pops taught me how to do this, and I don't think he even knew. So today, a year later I say thank you to him for teaching me this, and I give a prayer of gratitude to my Heavenly Father for answering my prayers, for eternal families, and for giving me the strength I needed, and still need.

My prayers are different now. I pray to remember all my experiences with Pops. I pray to feel him near me, to have watch and care for me when I especially need it. I pray with gratitude. It's been a hard year, Pops. I've missed you a lot. I've cried a lot, I know you wouldn't want me to, but sometimes I can't help it. Everyday I think of you, and how much I love you. And today I write this for you, that you may know the impact you've had on the woman I've become. I love you so much.

PS-I had some croutons today, just for you.


robyne said...

I hope you know just how proud of you Pops is. He loves you and your sisters so much and he told me often those last few months how much joy you 3 brought into his life. He was and always will be close by loving us!

Shane said...

You're amazing and your Pop's influence has been, and is still being, felt by so many. I've thought alot about those final two months and everything he taught us during that time.

He, along with G&G L are still there watching over us.