Thursday, April 28, 2011

If You Don't Have an I phone...

Life has be insanely crazy the last few weeks. Finals stressed me out like never before, but I think they went well. And I know that just having them over has made my life a million times better.

I also moved for the 5th time in 12 months. nbd.

Oh and did I mention I did 2 finals and the big move running on 3 hours of sleep? Only in college. Right? Promise me it gets better :) And if it doesn't please lie...

Since then I've been busy working, having Friends marathons (we're determined to watch every episode before July), celebrating Easter, having sleepovers at the Marriott, going to Gwennie's wedding reception, chatting/saying goodbye to some of my dearest friends, going to Morgan for a farewell, family dinners at Aunt Debbies, Costco trips with Dad, movie nights/Farr's nights in Sandy w/Stace, making oreo cake bites, and shopping.

My life is exciting. And I would love to be able to capture all these moments in picture and share them with you all.

Which brings me back to my title. I LOVE taking pictures of exciting things such as this. However my dear dear camera that has given me beautiful pictures and traveled and captured here, here and here with me recently died. Really died. It's bad. Also my phone is kinda useless and has recently taken to speaking to me, which I have to admit is kinda freaky.

So my solution to a broken camera + a freaky phone = iphone.

Doubtful. But a girl can dream.

After all, if you don't have an iphone, you don't have an iphone.

ps. sorry for no pictures :(

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Driving Through Ireland

I sat on the chilly bus, ipod in my ears, eyes captivated by the scenery before me. The sun was starting to drift low in the autumn sky, becoming a beautiful shade of orange and purple and the bright rays of light were hitting my face as I stared at the breathtaking seascape before me.

Who would have thought I'd ever be spending Thanksgiving in Ireland? On my own?

Yet there I was doing just that. We'd just gotten back on the bus after exploring a castle. Yes a castle. And now we were driving the coast. The coast of Ireland.

Joshua Radin's voice was the background to what happened next.

I hadn't been thinking about him. It just snuck up on me. All of a sudden like a ton of bricks it hit my heart.

I won't be able to tell him about this. He will never be able to see this most stunning place.

It was a fleeting thought because the feeling that came next was overpowering.

I knew that at that very moment, so very far from family and home, he was with me. He was seeing it with me.

And he was proud of me. On my own, traveling the world. Reaching out and grabbing life. For being happy. For taking chances.

And at that moment I knew that he was with me, seeing everything I was. My own guardian angel, just as he said we were for him. He was with me on the streets of England, the cobblestone steps of Italy, the bridges of France and most especially driving through Ireland.


Finals are always hard. They bring back the memories of my first finals week, the one where he died. Finals always mark the end of a semester, and for me the feeling of finality is felt stronger.

However they also mark a new beginning. And as I spend my hours studying, I'm filled with the anticipation for another beautiful new beginning.

Monday, April 18, 2011

A Peek in My Trash..

Yea, this is what finals looks like.(can you spy 3 diet cokes? yea, its kind necessary to final survival-I may not be sipping a Route 44 one from Sonic right now)

Finals also involve not doing my hair, always wearing sweats, stress eating, lack of sleep and doing everything possible to procrastinate studying. (blogging right now)

1 down, 4 to go. With a little diet coke anything is possible.

Friday, April 15, 2011

I'm a Writer

I'm a writer. Not by trade or training or even by conscious desire. One day I just started, and now I can't stop. That's how gifts go though. If you worked for it- it would be a reward, if you trained for it -a check off the bucket list. But if you just find it-its a little tender mercy, a little piece of heaven that answers a question you'd never been able to voice. And that's what writing does for me Sometimes my fingers flow over the keypad the way others' flow over a keyboard of a baby grand. I see them in my mind, dressed to the nines they sit at the bench with poise, swaying with the feeling of the sound they're producing. Its the same way my brow furrows or head tilts with the emotion of the words I write. I tap each key, some more slowly, as I decide whether I'll let myself be that honest, others I strike quick my only struggle to get the words out of my head and out into the world fast enough. Sometimes though there is the long silence as I hold my finger down on the "backspace" button, realizing that I could never put that out into the world. Not bold enough for that one. Those are sentences that are best left unsaid. After pondering on that for a brief second I start again. Fast, faster, even faster as I rush to attempt to portray the emotion I feel in a way that allows all others in the world to comprehend. For that truly is the power of the written word; to allow others to feel each slight drop of rain on your nose as it gently begins falling, quietly, intermittently on your face or the feeling of slow dread creeping into your soul that second after the sentence flies from your mouth, that moment when shame meets disappointment and there is no one word to say it.

Writing does that.

More importantly it allows others to feel the passion of that discovery you made, that one that changed your life.

Words allow for you to share that with others in a way no other art form does. Words have a power, an ability to let others into your soul, and in doing so, change the beholders soul as well.

Its the most intimate of the arts; bearing your soul. My fingers still dance across the keypad. Making a noise that to me sounds even greater than that of a piano concerto. My head tilts as I sigh, and continue forward. Yes, I am a writer.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

April Showers...

Bring London friends! If you read my blog at all in while I was in London it would be easy to see that I became super close to my friend Jessica over there. We are both sarcastic. We both believe showering is overrated when you're staying in gross hostels. We both fell in love with British chocolate and enjoyed eating it at midnight. We both have grandmas and friends with the same names. We both laugh at really inappropriate times(remember when you hit your head in st. pauls?). We both really love camping chairs.

Obviously, we got along great.

Last Friday I was able to throw a bridal shower for her, before lots of our London friends head away for the summer! It was so great to see everyone and I was so glad so many of these girls I love so much could come.
(Disclaimer: My camera was being horribly lame... it broke so the screen is now completely black so when you take a picture you have no idea what your taking a picture of. It takes me back to the good ole' days of film.. but at least then you had a little lens thing to look through...Despite my camera problems I was able to get a few good ones)
The night was full of food, fun

Games... Presents... Catching up...

a very educational Q&A....

(love the different facial expressions of Lauren, Jenna and Molly)

excitement, screams of joy, and all things girly...

It was a great night and I'm so glad so many were able to come and celebrate with Jessica before her big day!

Now here is a little letter:


I'm really glad we could have a shower for you. I hope you liked it more than shower-ing. Because we all know how you feel about that. (jk)

I'm so happy for you are Parker! I love seeing you two together and how happy you each make each other. You will be a beautiful bride. The chairs will be perfect. The pictures and video will be amazing. From here it will only get better and better because finally... your wedding is close!! And I couldn't be happier for you.

Love always,


For better pictures, and cuter write ups check out the blogs of my dear friends: Amanda, Grace, Sarah, and the bride herself, Jessica. (love ya girls)

Monday, April 11, 2011

Way Too Blessed to Be Stressed

(stressed? nah-just being ourselves...)

There are very few things I remember from last week. With a calculus exam, lots of homework and upcoming finals it was a stressful one. I felt like I had so many things that were classified in my mind as "have to"-s.

"I have to take a calc exam. I have to study. I have to make cookies. I have to finish this homework. I have to work. I have to clean the apartment. I have to sleep at some point. I have to shower. I have to finish this semester."

I was dreading every big hurdle, and I couldn't bare the thought of this week, knowing I had a physiology exam (in the morning), lots of studying and finals.

Wednesday night was my low point. I walked out of that testing center too exhausted to even cry over my less than stellar performance. I walked home in the dark questioning everything about school: my major, if I'd ever have a job, if I'd ever make money, if I'd ever graduate, etc. and worrying about the "have to's" of the upcoming days. So, I did what every distressed 21-year old does... called my mom. (what? not every 21-year old calls their mom when their having a panic attack? How do you cope?) As I vented to her she helped calm my fears. I finally reached the point where I could go inside, read my scriptures and go to bed.

The next day I walked around peacefully. The storm of thoughts that had filled my head earlier had calmed. I was able to concentrate on my studies, enjoy the rain, and just feel... peaceful.

Now some may argue that it was because I was simply exhausted. I know better though. That kind of peace doesn't come from sleep, or even quietly reading and listening to Adele. There is only one source of that peace. And, upon asking for it I received it.

As the weekend approached, so came clarity. I was calmed, and enjoyed some of the best experiences I'd had in awhile. As I thought about this weekend on the drive from slc to provo I thought of one word-blessed.

I was blessed to have a mother calm my fears, and sacrifice her time to help me. I was so blessed to see spend Friday night with my other London family. (more to come on that later). I was blessed to be able to relax and laugh with them. I was blessed Saturday to accomplish so much studying. I was blessed to spend time with my sisters. I was blessed to hear my friend speak and share her testimony of the gospel with me. I was blessed to have time with my family. I was blessed by my father.

I'm blessed in many ways, and it's that knowledge that has helped me feel so much peace the last couple days. And it's that peace that's helped me endure with joy this week.

Have to:

to experience, undergo, or endure, as joy or pain

bring on the finals...

Monday, April 4, 2011

21 Years Old

Better late than never I just want to do a quick post about my birthday. I spent the entire weekend celebrating and It was great because of the opportunity I had to surround myself with friends and family I love very much.

Also, lots of good food, ncaa basketball, laughter, shopping, and more food :)

Friday:I started my new job-great early birthday present. I'm loving it very much so far and I'm grateful to have a job that understands how important school is to me, and lets me make that my first priority.

That night I met up with a bunch of friends and had a great dinner at California Pizza Kitchen. I'm so grateful for my friends that drove all the way to Provo to come (some even from Logan, and although my birthday was not priority #1 for that drive, we can pretend!) and for the time I got to spend with all of them.

However, I was so busy having so much fun socializing I took hardly no pictures. So, here is what I do have:

Amanda and I at dinner

Shell, Rach and Stace... 4th times the charm

After dinner we went back to my apartment for dessert. My roommate Lizzy was so kind to make me such a great birthday cake. It was delicious. And Lins was so great to bring candles that never blow out. If my wishes don't come true I blame the candles ;)
Saturday-my actual birthday

I did exactly what I wanted to. Hung with the family and went shopping!

I was not only able to get 30% off at banana on 3 very cute tops, but I found/fell in love with what I refer to as my "skirt that goes with everything", which was also 15% off. (i love that j.crew loves students) And I also got 10% off another top I bought. I paid full price for nothing and that was the best birthday gift I could have received.

After shopping I met the family at The Cheesecake Factory. Before everyone else got there though mom and I waited at the bar and had some diet cokes. And I got carded for the first time. It was epic, and I loved being able to sit down and enjoy my dc while waiting instead of standing in that huge crowd of people-see being 21 already has great perks.

Look at how sweet the Cheesecake Factory was with my birthday cheesecake? I blame the creepy waiter...


I spent hanging out with the family. We had one of my cousins over for my birthday dinner and then we all headed over to Aunt Debbies to celebrate with the family. I loved having so much help blowing out my candles and it's always fun to share a birthday with Scott.

Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes! It was a great one!

Friday, April 1, 2011


It's about 70 degrees outside. And I'm doing calculus in my apartment. I keep telling myself

"8 days of classes left. 8 is a totally doable number. 8 days of classes.

And do you know what comes after that?

Summer "

(whether the utah weather agrees or not summer is whats next)

That means 4 months of reading for pleasure, playing outside in the warm evenings, camp fires, smores, fireworks, naps in the grass, swimming, concerts, weekend get aways, flip flops, and barbecues.

There will be no worrying about classes, stressing about packing a suitcase to move to another country, trying to read 4 jane austen novels, saving people's mortgages or spending the days counting down till I can be done.

I can't wait

oh and did i mention it's all happening in provo this year? so excited.