Feelings Show...

I feel... weird. I don't know how to explain what I've been feeling lately, except weird. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, below me there is a deep, dark, cool lake. I'm not afraid to jump into the lake, but I don't jump. Its almost as if I'm waiting for the right wind to come along to help push me into it. The fall will be long, but go quickly, and then as I reach the water everything will change. I've felt this way for a week. I've constantly felt like something huge is coming, and I'm here, just by myself waiting. I haven't figured out whether this thing thats coming is good or bad, but I feel certain that it will change me and my life in a huge way. As I've gone about the past week I've had this little fear, that whatever is coming will be here soon, and how am I spending my last naive moments on the cliff? My family went to California this past weekend, and certain commitments to friends had me staying at home without my family. As I walked around the house, in the empty rooms, and drove places, by myself, the feeling of standing on the cliff increased. I've done a lot to try to prepare for this jump. I've tried to get rid of the feeling, and dismiss it as nothing. I've tried talking to others in hope that they would tell me I'm crazy for feeling this way. I've been to my places of peace, and where I feel most comfortable, but the feeling is always there. I'd like to say that I'm ready to jump now, that I've enjoyed the view from the top of the cliff long enough and that I'm sure that whatever is coming is better than this constant feeling of waiting, but I'm not ready, and in fact I'm not sure I will ever be ready. I think when the time to jump comes I will be as unready as ever, but the little wind I've been waiting for will give a gentle push, but I will place my feet out and jump, putting my trust in the one who sent the help of the wind to guide me through the unknown.