Tuesday, April 10, 2012

The Day I Almost Killed My Boss (and realized that I'm just like emma)

This morning upon arriving at work I saw a spider. He was gross, and thick bodied-just the way I hate them to be.

I let out a little squeal because that spider was the fastest damn spider I've seen in my life, and it caught me quite off guard

(sorry. only the d word sufficed as description for this particular spider)

He quickly darted in a crack at my desk before I could get him, but not before two kind souls at work came to check on me. (remember how I squealed... they thought I was getting mugged. Pretty sure if that happened I'd actually yell)

An hour later my boss was leaning over said crack in the desk when the little devil decided to emerge.

I full on screamed. At the top of my lungs. At my boss, who did not see the spider that was literally inches from her body.

And my poor, sweet boss lady was reduced to panic. She kept saying "You almost gave me a heart attack" over and over again. It took her a few minutes to catch her breath. At that point she realized it was a spider I was screaming about, as opposed to a legitimate danger, and she lost her breath again. This time to laughter.

I felt awful. She kept laughing. I was near tears at how bad I felt about full on terrifying her. And because the spider was now on my level of the desk. He had ran right off the upper level (straight at me-at eye level I might add) and fell into right into my pencil holder.

My boss kindly searched the entire pencil holder and he was nowhere to be found. I error on the side of caution so I moved the pencil holder across the room.

I continued to work when all of a sudden I saw him dart from the Kleenex box to the computer monitor. He was under the computer monitor stand.

So I did what any sane person would do. I stood on the desk and started moving the computer up and down against the desk. I was certain I killed him this time. However when a kind soul I work with came up and said if i lifted it up she would kill it and check-he had vanished.

By this time I was angry. This little devil had bested me again. And people were starting to think I was crazy....

About an hour later he emerged again. He was running straight for me again! Right toward my keyboard. Just as I was about to gain my courage to  squish him with the stapler he ran under my desk. UNDER MY DESK. But not on the ground. Meaning-I could not put my legs down there and sit like a normal human.

And so it was that I spent the remainder of my shift with my arms stretched out straight and my chair positioned as far away from my desk as possible.

As soon as it was a reasonable time to leave I was out of there. But not before my boss said

"Nicole. Can you please assign TJ (other receptionist) the job of finding and exterminating the spiders."


Now that it's been a few hours and I've had the sense to regain my wits I feel so bad. My boss, literally put her hand to her chest and had to pause to get her heart beat to calm down after I full on screamed and scared her to death. However. It was the fastest spider I've ever encountered.

Here is hoping it's gone tomorrow.

I will say this though: if I got bit by this spider, and it made me Spider Woman (the perfect match for Spider Man) I would be ok with that. I mean look at him:

Also-his girlfriend completely understands my fear. So something good did come from this experience-I learned that I am like Emma Stone. life goal accomplished.


robyne said...

I can't quit laughing uncontrolably. How are you going to bring yourself to sit at your desk tomorrow???? I shouldn't laugh, because I am the same way.....I just fake being brave!

karissa said...

That video is HILARIOUS! I hate spiders and would have refused to even sit at my desk until I knew the spider was gone and dead.... pretty funny story!