Count Your Blessings

Tis the season to be Thankful, and although I've been listening to Christmas music for awhile now and am counting down the days til I can put my little tree up, I do love thanksgiving and decided I would share some of the things I'm most thankful for with you. Here are just a few in no particular order:

*The Gospel

*The scriptures

*My calling as a FHE "mom"

*The Angels in my life

I notice them every now and then, the random people who smile at me, the friends who call just to see how I am, and the ones I don't see but have promised to watch out for me from the other side

*the color pink

*my friends
*My vision
*Football

This is Rachele's and mine football faces... ya we look so tough grrrr
*Free Hot chocolate that is handed out around campus for random reasons

*The office

*Chick Flicks

*Winter Attire

*Cute boys (sorry there aren't any pictures of this one, I didn't want to be a creeper)

*Mocs

It really is the little things in life that I'm grateful for, such as wearing my mocs around campus... yes we rock the mocs!

*Great Music
*Chocolate!!

*Facebook
*The opportunity I have to go to school (right now I'm trying to remind myself its an opportunity, not a curse, but I really am thankful)

*My Family
Lately my family has been going through a lot, with my Pops in the process of passing away. Its been so hard for each of us, but as we go through this I realize just how grateful I am for my family, and for the blessing they are in my life. I'm so grateful for eternal families and to be a member of my awesome family. I love you family!
*My laptop

*My beautiful car!

*The Fab Five

Brooke, Rachel, Gwen, Rachelle and I all make up the "Fab Five" We all live in Hinckley Hall together and have become the best of friends! I seriously don't know what I would do without these girls here. They are always making me smile and we have so much fun!

Halloween

So I know its pretty late getting them up, but it was just so much fun that I had to share them with everyone.... Gwen and I all done with costumes, just chillin after our late night Denny's run.. ya, Denny's runs are very common occurrences these days.
Rachelle and I look so surprised while waiting in line for the Haunted House

Dani was in town for my ward party the next day and got to come with! It was so much fun to hang out with her

Some awesome, cool people I live with

Rachel and I dressed as a cowgirl and Indian

We had such a fun night hanging out at the party at Helaman, checking out the haunted houses, giving candy to the little trick-or-treaters from Wymount and getting all dressed up! I loved it all!

To You

I love

that I'm one of your favorites

I love

the way you still smile whenever I come visit

I love

your stories, and how you make any story well worth the time it takes to tell it

I love

the way you never complain, despite how much you've been through

I love

eating juice and crutons with you

I love

how you laugh

I love

that you tell me I'm beautiful even though you can't see me

I love

when you talk about my future, and how great it will be

I love

that you are proud of me

I love

the memories we have, Christmas, underdogs, and you always being there

I love

the way you never let your disablities limit you

I love

when you would forget to put your eye in and we would laugh for hours

I love

the way you saw the good in people

I love

the love you have for family

I love

how you tried your best, always

I love

your faith

I love

how you raised her, to in turn raise me

I love

how forgiving and understanding you are

I love

how you keep your promises

I love

that we mean the world to you, and how you mean the same to us

I love

that you had the courage to do what was right, no matter what anyone said

I love

your nose

I love

that you love me so much

I love

that no matter how many times you fell, you got back up

I love

you....

A Phone Call, Parents Weekend, and a Vampire

The whole gang all dressed up for the Murder Mystery. Everyone looked great!

Rachelle and I being Robin O'Negative

Rachelle and I being Robin O'Positive

This week has been absolutely crazy....
~Pops, my grandpa, was in the hospital after another seizure and fall. He damaged his spinal cord and had to have surgery. This was such an emotional experience for all of us. It was very scary, the unknown always is, yet there were some positive things that came from it. I was able to spend the entire day with my mom, I got to see Pops a lot, and we were all reminded that when you love someone its important that you let them know. He is now recovering, and although he is in a lot of pain, he made the right decision to have the surgery, and as everything in life, he is in the Lords hands.

~I realised this week that I love having a roommate. I haven't shared a room with anyone for a long time so I was worried that I would have a hard time with that when I lived here, but I have loved it. Wednesday night Rachelle and I were up till three, just laying in bed talking. Its so nice to have someone you can trust and who loves you for being you to be with here! So Rachelle-thanks for listening, for not being angry, for giggling with me, and for just listening! Who knew talking about boys could be quiet so fun!

~My mom and dad came down to Provo this weekend. It was BYU's official parents weekend, but we kind of did our own thing, which I liked much better. Friday they came and we went to lunch, walked around campus, went shopping!!! and went and had a delicious dinner. I really loved spending time with just them. We are all so busy, and life is so crazy, but it was good to just hang out with them for a while. On Saturday they came back down and we went to the football game. It was so much fun! They are such awesome parents and lately I've really realised how lucky I am to have the parents I have, and how lucky I am to live so close to them.

~Denny's, 12:00-2:30 AM, a car full of people, "do you want to take a picture with me? do you want to kiss my cheek in the picture?", french toast, forgotten <3>

~Last night some girls and guys in my ward and I all had this little dinner murder mystery party. It was so much fun getting to know them all better, and trying to figure out who the vampire was! I originally wasn't going to be able to come, but decided to come. There were only so many characters though so Rachelle and I just decided to combine and come as the same character, Robin O'Positive. It was a blast and I'm so glad I went!

~A few more random things: A picture scavenger hunt for FHE, a phone call that changed a lot, shopping for a "cozy sweatsuit" with Karissa, class, visting teaching for the first real time, studying, and flowering my walls!

What a week! So much has happened! This week taught me a lot, but mostly I learned that even when things don't turn out like you want or hope things can still be GREAT. I'm learning that in the end, we get whats best for us, even if its not necessarily what we want, and that what we end up with might be even better than we even dreamed of...

Feelings Show...

I feel... weird. I don't know how to explain what I've been feeling lately, except weird. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, below me there is a deep, dark, cool lake. I'm not afraid to jump into the lake, but I don't jump. Its almost as if I'm waiting for the right wind to come along to help push me into it. The fall will be long, but go quickly, and then as I reach the water everything will change. I've felt this way for a week. I've constantly felt like something huge is coming, and I'm here, just by myself waiting. I haven't figured out whether this thing thats coming is good or bad, but I feel certain that it will change me and my life in a huge way. As I've gone about the past week I've had this little fear, that whatever is coming will be here soon, and how am I spending my last naive moments on the cliff? My family went to California this past weekend, and certain commitments to friends had me staying at home without my family. As I walked around the house, in the empty rooms, and drove places, by myself, the feeling of standing on the cliff increased. I've done a lot to try to prepare for this jump. I've tried to get rid of the feeling, and dismiss it as nothing. I've tried talking to others in hope that they would tell me I'm crazy for feeling this way. I've been to my places of peace, and where I feel most comfortable, but the feeling is always there. I'd like to say that I'm ready to jump now, that I've enjoyed the view from the top of the cliff long enough and that I'm sure that whatever is coming is better than this constant feeling of waiting, but I'm not ready, and in fact I'm not sure I will ever be ready. I think when the time to jump comes I will be as unready as ever, but the little wind I've been waiting for will give a gentle push, but I will place my feet out and jump, putting my trust in the one who sent the help of the wind to guide me through the unknown.

Family Home Evening

Some of us at breakfast at G&G Swain's house! It was delicious! And so so much fun!
My "son" Jordan and I goofing around while carving pumpkins
Jake(dad), Sam, Me, Jordan, Shelby, Lauren, Jillian, Kristi, and Rachelle.. oh and our pumpkins(Sea Creature, Chimp, Jose and Grandpa Gus)
Having fun while "gutting" the pumpkin
My friend Shelby and I took a break from carving the chimp to take this picture!

I love my calling! I am officially a family home evening assistant coordinator, or something like that, but I just go by mom. At first I thought that it would be weird to have this calling, but I'm learning that it is SO fun, and that in a weird way its preparing me for motherhood. In our family we have 8 guys, and 6 girls including me and "dad". Lately we have had lots of fun activities! We have played catch phrase, learned about missionary work, played boys vs girls Disney Scene It (and thanks to the awesome girls in my family, I still have never lost at that game!), had breakfast at "grandma and grandpa's house" and tonight we carved pumpkins! I love my "family" and look forward to home evening every Monday night! I couldn't ask for a better family away from my family!

Some days...

Some days I just miss being home. I miss coming in from the fall cold to my warm house. The warmth not just literal but figurative, like a hug, after being away for awhile. The lights all on, the heater blasting, and everyone laughing. I miss coming home late at night, where everything is still, except my mom who fell asleep waiting for me on the couch. I miss driving up the long, twisting road, to my favorite secret place of peace where I'm literally talking with an angel. I miss reading books on the couch in the late afternoon and falling asleep as the last bits of sun creeps through the windows. I miss the feeling of confidence, love and self-assurance that come from being there, where I can be myself and always have that be good enough, appreciated, and enjoyed. I miss home.