Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Today I Saw My Insides

My insides have been hurting lately. A lot. Maybe I'm just a wimp but to me it hurts A LOT. Then I read other peoples blogs, like Nie who I admire so much and I realize that I don't hurt A LOT, and I am grateful. But I must remind myself to be grateful, because my insides keep reminding me to be self-centered.

When my insides hurt I get frustrated. I get upset that the dr. can't tell me what is wrong. I get mad that they hurt at the worst possible times. I get sad that they hurt at all. I get depressed when no one knows why they hurt.
And today as we were looking at my insides I kept wondering if they were good. Sometimes I feel like deep inside, my most important inside, is not always good. I try so hard to be good, I really do, but I still get ugly at times-and this hurts my heart. I wonder if thats what my other insides are doing. They are probably trying so hard to be good, but they keep messing up. I guess I have some sympathy for them. I guess I understand.
I like seeing my insides. Always have. Always been fascinated with that kind of thing.
Today was no exception, because insides are quite extraordinary, don't you think?
PS-even though my insides hurt the following things helped me feel better: Dad's flannel shirt, Paradise's creamy tomato soup, the first diet coke of quite awhile, and ADELE's Chasing Pavement.

2 comments:

Stacie said...

I'm sorry you are still not feeling well! Eat a lot of ice cream! Love you!

robyne said...

Remember that your beautiful heart is also part of your insides and it is very good! xoxo